Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

This is not listed in any particular order of least to greatest.

1. If you go to the club, you go separately.
There is something clearly wrong with a relationship where either partner prefers to go to the club solo EVERY weekend. Most of us have been to clubs/bars and know that anyone there that is not attached to another is fair game. If he has a woman, why isn't she with him? Sometimes is okay. We all need to breath. But, regularly....NO!

2. His "boys night out" takes precedence to your spending quality time together.
I dated a guy who had a routine of going out with the "fellas" on Friday nights. This rarely bothered me because I usually didn't have a babysitter for Friday nights. One week a girlfriend volunteered to give me some "me time" and take the kids for an evening. The only evening that worked for her was Friday night. My "boyfriend" didn't want to change his "boys night out" routine despite the fact that this was a once in a blue moon opportunity. Suffice it to say, he went out with the fellas and I went on a date with someone else.

3. You don't want to tell him/her what you are thinking because he/she will be upset.
Communication is the key to maintaining any relationship. Once the communication fails and you can't go to your partner with your concerns then there is no relationship. And if everytime you try to talk about something that concerns you they retaliate with something that they don't like about you, then the two of you are not communicating. You have to talk to each other to know each other.

4. You stop spending time with your friends.
Your relationship should be an addition to your life. It should not take you away from everything that you love. If your partner insists on monopolizing your time and keeping you from your friends and family, they are usually trying to keep you from realizing the crazy that is their world. It is in an effort to keep you solely dependent on them feeding their insecurities and draining you of your you.

5. You forego going out with your friends because he might call. Or, you cancel a date with your friends because he called to ask you out at the last minute.
So, a few years ago there was a female "friend" of mine who had invited me to her home for dinner and to go the the movies at a cool theatre in Oakland, CA. Because she tended to be a bit "flaky" I confirmed two to three times that day even calling as I was on my way to make sure that we were still on for hanging out. She said confirmed and said that she would wait for me to call to guide me from the highway to her home. That was the last we talked until I saw her about a year and a half later. She stood me up because some guy showed up and asked her to go out to dinner. Not healthy.

6. You are worried about your partner seeking attention from the opposite sex.
Now, this is all relative. It would be difficult to discern if this is just your "monster" or hers/his. None the less, it is a monster and if it rears its ugly head in your relationship, then that is unhealthy and the relationship may be unhealthy for you.

7. Sex is the beginning, the middle and the end.
If all you have is a physical connection then call it that. Now, this is only unhealthy if you are looking for more than the physical. If not, then more power to you.

8. Your partner doesn't respect your issues/demons and support you through ridding yourself of the hold.
We all have demons...traits that are unhealthy for us. Our loved ones should love us despite us but help us to improve through support and understanding. Caution: this is only if we are willing to deal with ourselves truthfully. Don't expect him/her to be around while you abuse their commitment to you.

9. He/she is verbally/emotionally/physically abusive.
Abuse comes in all kinds of forms and physical abuse may be more easily recognizable but emotional and verbal abuse can have a tendency to outlast the physical or to compound it. We must not allow for any abuses with regards to those that we love or that love us. We must respect ourselves enough to not accept the trash that others dish. And, this goes back to alienating ourselves from our friends, we must never fear talking to others that love us because there is nothing like a big brother, a loving mother, a sister's shoulder to cry on while the cousins kick his a*&....sorry, I got lost for a minute...but, you get it.


10. You are unhappy, unfulfilled, not growing, bored.

This is all for today. Feel free to add to the list.

Now, realizing that you are in an unhealthy relationship does not necessarily mean that you need to end said relationship. Relationships take work. So, it means that you have some work to do to get your relationship back on track to healthy. We will talk about that later.