I was chatting with my cousin yesterday about my event planning business and wedding planning. When I started describing the fiasco of a "friend's" wedding a few years back she playfully called me on the way I label people friends and then often follow it with how we aren't really friends.
This got me to thinking. I do have a definite idea of what I call a friend and this particular person was marrying a friend of a friend of mine. So, in fact, she was not my friend. She was just someone that I know...and not very well.
So, now I am thinking about the people in my life that I have given the label friend. Some have truly earned or deserve the title but, others simply road in on someone's connection. Yet, I have been a friend, in my own rights, to each and everyone. Only I am now wondering, as I move through personal and professional growth, which of those individuals that are now included in my circle of friends really should be released to the realm of "people I know".
Coming from a culture/environment where friends support one another in their endeavors, I have given my support to each of my friends in varying ways. I have been there with a slap of reality, a camera to hold, a pen to edit, a ride to the airport, a meal, an ear (I am finding that I really like lists), a ticket to an event I am not really interested in attending. For what it is worth, I have included my kids when I could, I have found babysitters for them when they couldn't be included. I have done...as far as I believe...my duty as a friend and continue to do so not out of obligation but, true appreciation for the part that each of my friends plays in my life.
For my friends, I would make sacrifices and be there even when being there puts a strain on me. Yet, I am finding that we do not all hold the same expectations for friendship. Too many of us expect our friends to be there and support us regardless of how we show up for them. And showing up on our time and at our convenience is not really showing up.
Evaluate yourself. Check your list of friends and make sure that you are showing up consistently and constantly.
My real friends are reading this post...others who are not...well, makes me wonder how are friendship fares.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
I don't really call many people friend. It takes me a long time to give up that moniker. I do for some and not for others, we relate to one another differently. I have friends that I have given to monetarily know full well that from that day forward I would hear the phrase "I'll get chu' back dog". Sometimes I don't really have it to give but if I can help I will. Some friends I would like to have closer realtionships with but circumstances prevent that. So, such is life it seems from one to another our definition of Friend varies. Are you my friend?
ReplyDeletenot really....hahahaha....definitely....and if you asked for a kidney...I would consider it and would want to give it...but, I would actually not because I have to remember that my kids might, due to the hand of fate, need one of my kidneys and if I had to say, "I gave it to a dear friend", I am not sure how that will go over...but, anything else...no problem
ReplyDeleteThanks for that conversation yesterday...it made me start thinking about a couple of people in my own life.
ReplyDeleteAs far as friendships go, I am grateful for meeting people in my life that have shared vision and good natured fun. Through unexpected and hurtful actions of other people, I have grown and understood that everyone is human.
During my early life in the fog of naiveté, I believed that if you were friends and if you cared about each other, that relationship should somehow be placed on an irrefutable superhuman pedestal and that neither one can ever (and would never) hurt each other and always have each one's best interest at heart.
However, what I have come to realize is that people are people no matter what. They are imperfect. They are selfish. And they can be jealous no matter who they are. I was naive to believe that this could not be so. I have become jaded and less trusting of people's motives and have been more selective of those I call my friends.
With that said, I consider everyone a friend until proven otherwise. The levels or degrees of friendship vary depending on the depth and level of trust that is mutually shared.
The depth of trust is weathered over time and even this depth may change. I am a true believer is the saying that people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. And because of this belief, I am able to deal with these relationships accordingly. It is when these friendships...so I think........are for a lifetime but they turn out to be for "a reason" or "a season" instead that I become sorely disappointed and vulnerable and find myself scrambling to reclassify them and make sense of "what just happened".
As those relationships die off, I am left with a bunch of acquaintances and interact with them at the level that they interact with me.
I find that my ONLY true blue "friend" is Jesus! I'm never disappointed. People can and do disappoint and I've disappointed, but it's about forgiveness at this point in order to maintain the "friendship". Besides, I have "friends" that don't even know when my birthday or my favorite color or where I'm from, etc. but I consider them a friend because they sometimes take the time to call or text or email. I believe there are levels of friendship. The highest level being one where you can tell that person any and everything about you and you're not judged. I consider you, Kai, a friend.
ReplyDelete